Friday, December 10, 2010

Dear California,

I wanted to take a minute to discuss some things with you. First off, let me thank you for the wonderful weather and beautiful scenery. They don't make it quite like that back home in Houston. HOWEVER.

You know that whole $1,200.00 car registration fee? Or that $450 red light camera fiasco fine that my husband (who claims is was yellow) will now have to use his fantasy football win money on. Not acceptable.

Nor is the fact that one of your employees reduced me to tears this morning at the DMV while trying to register that vehicle, follow your rules, and pay that ridiculous state deficit exorbitant fee. Instead of filling out the , "Let us know how we're doing" postcard that I know will never get read, I decided to write you this personal letter.

Let's discuss this morning's events.

I, being a responsible resident spent two hours last night on the computer, filling out the correct forms and gathering all necessary paperwork, as stated on your website. I also spent 45 minutes choking on that little fee we discussed earlier that was spit out by the the convenient fee calculator. Thank you for that.

After waking up at 6:30am, arranging for childcare for my two children so they would not also be subjected to the fun the DMV seems to always provide, I drove the 20 miles to your closest office and proceeded to wait another 30 minutes outside with my fellow residents before letting inside to wait some more. Thank you again, because even wait time at the DMV can seem like a "getaway" with no kids.

Well, one of your finest employees called my number, and I rose with my accordion file of necessary paperwork and greeted her with a smile. The following is a summary of what followed.

California's finest employee: Where is your registration and contract of sale?
Me: The registration is right there and I don't have the contract of sale.

California's finest employee: Well, this isn't getting done today.
Me: Why?

California's finest employee: Maam, you're getting attitude with me, and I will not take it.
Me: What? I'm just asking wasn't one of the forms listed online.

California's finest employee: No, you are giving me attitude, and I will not listen to it.
Me: Taking a deep breath, and speaking in the slowest, calmest way possible..... "I am trying to stay calm, but I worked for two hours last night following the directions to a T, got a babysitter for my two small children so they would not have to wait the last two hours I just did and come up to your window where you tell me I need an additional form and need to go home. (breathing).......why (breathing).......I'm slightly frustrated.

California's finest employee: No, you are taking your frustrations out on me, and I won't respond to that.
Me: (Looking around incrediously to see if anyone else is hearing what I am).......(not saying anything, didn't say a word.....because if I did, I might have jumped over the counter.)

California's finest employee: See, you're getting attitude!!!!!
Me: I'm not saying a damn thing!!!!! (And I admit it California, I did say the word was most called for at this point.)

California's finest employee: Maam, DO NOT USE THAT KIND OF PROFANITY WITH ME!

Well California, this is when my fellow DMV customers stepped up to the plate.

A lady interrupted this conversation and told me loudly, "I think you're being VERY nice, and so does everyone else standing in this line with me."

Well, that pretty much made me start crying. I know, I don't why I did either. Like crying, the ugly cry.

Me: I'm done talking to you. I want to speak to somebody else.
California's finest employee: Sure, I'll give you to my supervisor, pointing to the lady in the booth next to her (I'm sure her lunch buddy). Go have a seat.

So I proceeded to go sit down and wait....again for another fine employee. It was then that I was doing the ugly, I can't breathe cry. Again, I don't know why. Maybe it's the build up of stress from the move, leaving friends & family, missing everything Texas, but especially the $55 vehicle registration fee that could be completed at Kroger.

I was then called by a MUCH NICER employee who kindly explained to me that the auto dealer I purchased the vehicle from in Texas had given me the wrong piece of paperwork. She had obviously been trained in NICE and UNDERSTANDING, and quite possibly had a certification in "Throw the hyperventilating lady a tissue".

I will be seeing her and her fellow employees again when I return with the correct paperwork sometime next month.

So in conclusion California, that "Let us know how we're doing" comment card nice lady passed my way just wasn't going to cut it. I wasn't able to adequately explain the situation in the four lines provided.

I hope this letter finds you well California. Our state income tax, $1700 in vehicle fees will be sent your way. Spend it wisely. And please keep up the beautiful weather and breathtaking scenery. I feel I deserve it.

Disgruntled new resident

P.S. Your quality of food doesn't hold a candle to Texas. And please don't continue to falsely advertise, "mexican food".


Brad, Carla, Addison and Hudson said...

So funny. We were shocked at the fees to register cars in NC...and the yearly tax we now pay on our cars...that did not happen in Texas! And we have yet to find a decent "Mexican" food place. After a while we actually think it taste okay and then we go back to Texas and realize we are just kidding ourselves :)

Kimberly said...

OMG!!! I know you don't want to hear this, but that is hysterical! I can't believe that DMV woman. Garrett wants me to ask, is that a one time fee to register your car or is it a yearly fee??!!

Shannon K. said...

Yikes! Yes the DMV is downright awful. I'm so conflicted because CA is my home!!! :) Sorry you had such a rough day :(

britt said...

hang in there girl...moving is HARD. i cried ugly style here many a time in the first six months!

sarah watson said...

laughing so hard! thanks for sharing!!

Allison said...

Just happened to take a peek at your blog - hilarious! I'm pretty sure I would not do well with the stress of a move like that! Got y'alls precious Christmas card this week :)

Kat and Craig said...

i want to hug you! don't worry melis she is just jealous of your beauty and organized behavior. :)

The Cocke Family said...

If I were you I would totally pack up the kids in the mini and head over to her house with a 6-month supply of toilet paper. Then see what kind of attitude she gets when she is cleaning that stuff up :-) Miss you friend!